“The parties understand the complexities of their own estate and of their own business, so rather than having someone come in and hear about the dispute for a couple of weeks and then make some kind of judgment that will change their lives forever, the parties may want to take control of their dispute,” says Natalie Nelson, an independent divorce financial advisor who also works as a mediator in Colorado, a state that mandates mediation for couples seeking a divorce.
Roselyn Friedman, an attorney and professional mediator with Sachnoff & Weaver in Chicago, recently refereed a dispute between a young widow and her father-in-law. The widow and her children were beneficiaries of her late husband’s estate. Before he died, the husband had asked his father to act as his trustee, leaving the father in charge of his wife’s finances. Unfortunately, the widow had always had a strained relationship with her in-laws, and resented having to ask her father-in-law for money.
Friedman invited the parties into the same room and listened to each side. Then she split them into different rooms and listened to each side separately. In those caucuses, she heard that the widow wanted an ongoing relationship with her in-laws for the benefit of her children. While she also wanted help managing the estate, she did not want to have to ask her father-in-law for money. In a separate caucus, the father told Friedman that he wanted to reduce his work obligations and enjoy his retirement. He had never wanted to be a trustee, but felt obligated to honor his son’s wishes. Friedman suggested the wife choose another trustee, subject to her father-in-law’s approval. They agreed and the dispute ended.
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