Mediation can work if you and your brother are willing to make decisions based on understanding your interests, each other’s interests and the reality you face if you do not reach a mutual agreement.

Suggest mediation to your brother with these points:
1. As executor, he has a legal and fiduciary responsibility to treat you fairly and avoid using his authority for his own benefit.

2. Families rarely recover from the emotional scars of accusations made in the course of litigation.

3. Unresolved feelings of unfair dealings by family members are likely to spill over to future generations, even without litigation.

If your brother is unwilling to mediate, consult an estate planning attorney about how your position might be presented to probate court in a way you can afford. Do not assume it is too costly without checking it out.

Judy Barber
Family Money Consultants
San Francisco

Mediation only works if everyone is willing to compromise. Otherwise, you hold most of the cards. Your brother, as executor, owes you a fiduciary duty to treat all the beneficiaries fairly. He cannot force you or your mother to sell, especially at a discounted value. On the other hand, a court may order the property be sold to an outside third party to determine its real market value (although watch out for buyers who are just looking for this type of family fight to pick up a treasure at a bargain price). You may all be better off if you allocate the assets in a fair way, so that everyone is left with undivided ownership, rather than shared ownership. If your brother fails to act impartially on behalf of the estate, he can be removed from his position. So, do not let him push you or anyone else around.

Douglas K. Freeman
IFF Advisors
Irvine, Calif.

Why are your brothers so unsympathetic to your request for a fair market value assessment? What is your mother’s position? Holding your share of the estate hostage suggests a hostile dynamic between you and your executor-brother that likely predates this distribution event. Knowing your family history and family dynamics, particularly in regard to financial decision making and conflict resolution, would enable a more reasoned answer to your question. In many cases a facilitated family meeting process, guided by a mediator or wealth consultant, can offer the opportunity for constructive dialogue, reduction of hostility and potentially a more rapid and less costly resolution. Each family member’s position can be clarified, and possible compromises can be considered before the onset of financially and emotionally costly litigation. Whatever you do, given the complex interface of psychology and your legal rights, make sure you make use of legal counsel at every step.

Stephen Goldbart and Joan DiFuria
Money, Meaning & Choices Institute
Kentfield, Calif.

Mediation is possibile, but first:

1. Hire an estate planning attorney to find out what you can realistically control. Your co-ownership in the family beach house may not be worth the emotional cost. In addition to this, does your brother have the legal right to hold your inheritance hostage?

2. Next, clarify and prioritize what you want. Do you want cash now or could you lose it in a divorce? What do you want regarding the beach house? You are correct in assessing that a court case will be costly in many ways. Is a lawsuit worth it?

After you have answers to the above questions and have full awareness of your control, power and priorities, you can consider mediation. If everyone is willing to work toward a settlement, it could possibly help. If not, you may choose litigation.

Thayer Willis
Lake Oswego, Ore.