I believe I have finally met the woman I want to marry. She is
interesting, smart, beautiful—in short, all I’ve been looking for. A lot of what
attracts me is how different we are in our opinions. While that is fine for
politics, I’m concerned about our different approaches to money. I come from a
family of substantial means; she is from middle-class origins. She is much, much
more conservative about investments and spending than I am. Should I be
concerned about our future?You should be concerned about the
future, though not in the way you might expect. If you two were on exactly the
same wavelength, you would be deprived of the opportunity you have to find
commonality. Relationships require sharing, empathy and compromise. The fact
that you enjoy the likely high-energy political debates you already have is
promising. Without the financial and investment experience that you have
had as a result of your more significant asset base, it would be a rare partner
who would be ready to take the same degree of risk as you. The same is true of
spending decisions. With education and experience, your spouse can become more
comfortable on both fronts. To your point, developing a joint vision for your
financial resources is very important to the long-term health of your marriage.
If you can partner in the process, you will build a wonderful and mutually
respectful relationship. One of the wonderful ways to start a healthy dialogue on this
topic is to explore areas of common good. Families of substantial means often
take an active interest in charitable projects. Many train their children to
make both investment and spending decisions by establishing charitable funds for
heirs to manage and distribute. Jane Williams, Sand Hill Advisors, Palo Alto, Calif. If
you share similar values, but have different
opinions, your social standings should not be an issue. However, the way you
approach your decisions might be. While men often seem more direct and have a tendency to act on
instinct rather than consensus, women tend to be much more methodical in their
decision-making process, often discussing their options openly with their
families and peers. Therefore, to keep your financial relationship on solid
ground, you should take the time to explain your overall strategy. Be specific.
Talk about each investment vehicle and the risk associated with it. Take all
of her questions seriously. You should also consider working with an advisor, one who
clearly understands the long-term goals and risk tolerance of both of you. That
person can help balance her conservative approach and your risky nature.
Allowing your spouse to be an active participant in the decision-making process
will help her feel more comfortable and confident about the financial decisions
you make together. Over time, I’m sure you will see that your future bride may
not be as conservative as you originally thought. In fact, you may be surprised
at how well your investment styles actually complement each other. Chris Parisi, MainStay Investments, New York Differences make life interesting. On the other hand,
harmony is good, too. To achieve a state of wedded bliss, you need a strategy for
bringing your divergent financial views together. You are more aggressive because you have money and a
comfortable investing process. Your bride-to-be has limited assets and no
experience making investment decisions that may be mysterious and intimidating
to her. A wise decision would be to hire a quality financial advisor who can
help develop a financial plan that is comfortable for both of you. The most
important characteristics you should review when selecting this advisor are that
person’s credentials, ethics, business practices and services. Credentials include college education, experience,
certifications, association memberships and other firm or team members. This is
the collective knowledge that helps you achieve your financial goals. Ethics
means providing trustworthy advice and is also based on clean compliance and
criminal records. The professional should be a registered investment advisor or
investment-advisor representative. And the professional should be an
acknowledged fiduciary who is required to put your interests first. Investor-friendly business practices include fee compensation
(not commissions), full disclosure of all potential conflicts of interest and
objective advice. Jack Waymire, Paladin Registry, Lincoln, Calif.
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