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Advisors' Forum
Opposites Attract
12/01/2007

I believe I have finally met the woman I want to marry. She is interesting, smart, beautiful—in short, all I’ve been looking for. A lot of what attracts me is how different we are in our opinions. While that is fine for politics, I’m concerned about our different approaches to money. I come from a family of substantial means; she is from middle-class origins. She is much, much more conservative about investments and spending than I am. Should I be concerned about our future?

You should be concerned about the future, though not in the way you might expect. If you two were on exactly the same wavelength, you would be deprived of the opportunity you have to find commonality. Relationships require sharing, empathy and compromise. The fact that you enjoy the likely high-energy political debates you already have is promising.

Without the financial and investment experience that you have had as a result of your more significant asset base, it would be a rare partner who would be ready to take the same degree of risk as you. The same is true of spending decisions. With education and experience, your spouse can become more comfortable on both fronts. To your point, developing a joint vision for your financial resources is very important to the long-term health of your marriage. If you can partner in the process, you will build a wonderful and mutually respectful relationship.

One of the wonderful ways to start a healthy dialogue on this topic is to explore areas of common good. Families of substantial means often take an active interest in charitable projects. Many train their children to make both investment and spending decisions by establishing charitable funds for heirs to manage and distribute.

Jane Williams, Sand Hill Advisors, Palo Alto, Calif.

If you share similar values, but have different opinions, your social standings should not be an issue. However, the way you approach your decisions might be.

While men often seem more direct and have a tendency to act on instinct rather than consensus, women tend to be much more methodical in their decision-making process, often discussing their options openly with their families and peers. Therefore, to keep your financial relationship on solid ground, you should take the time to explain your overall strategy. Be specific. Talk about each investment vehicle and the risk associated with it. Take all of her questions seriously.

You should also consider working with an advisor, one who clearly understands the long-term goals and risk tolerance of both of you. That person can help balance her conservative approach and your risky nature. Allowing your spouse to be an active participant in the decision-making process will help her feel more comfortable and confident about the financial decisions you make together. Over time, I’m sure you will see that your future bride may not be as conservative as you originally thought. In fact, you may be surprised at how well your investment styles actually complement each other.

Chris Parisi, MainStay Investments, New York

Differences make life interesting. On the other hand, harmony is good, too.

To achieve a state of wedded bliss, you need a strategy for bringing your divergent financial views together.

You are more aggressive because you have money and a comfortable investing process. Your bride-to-be has limited assets and no experience making investment decisions that may be mysterious and intimidating to her. A wise decision would be to hire a quality financial advisor who can help develop a financial plan that is comfortable for both of you. The most important characteristics you should review when selecting this advisor are that person’s credentials, ethics, business practices and services.

Credentials include college education, experience, certifications, association memberships and other firm or team members. This is the collective knowledge that helps you achieve your financial goals. Ethics means providing trustworthy advice and is also based on clean compliance and criminal records. The professional should be a registered investment advisor or investment-advisor representative. And the professional should be an acknowledged fiduciary who is required to put your interests first.

Investor-friendly business practices include fee compensation (not commissions), full disclosure of all potential conflicts of interest and objective advice.

Jack Waymire, Paladin Registry, Lincoln, Calif.

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