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| Advisors' Forum |
From The Mouths of Babes
09/01/2005
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My husband and I were recently out to dinner with our 13-year-old son, and he
actually referred to a group of working class kids at another table as “those
people.” We have tried to raise our child to have an interest in the world
beyond our economic milieu, but I’m afraid his privileges have isolated him and
may be making him intolerant. What can we do about his behavior at this point?Adolescents watch more than they listen, and you are already doing some
great parenting by listening to your son. So often, adolescents don’t need to be
told things as much as they need help in making sense of what they are
observing; they are keen observers and attitude-catchers. Their attitudes often
reflect the pervasive adult culture, and it can be shocking.
Phrases like
“those people” often indicate stereotyping, and this might be an example of
economic stereotyping. Try to understand what “those people” means to your son.
It may just be an adolescent snarl. You won’t know unless you ask more questions
and listen to the answers.
In a culture where to “have more” is to “be
more,” how does an adolescent perceive someone who doesn’t have more? We must
have conversations with our children about our money and about our values, and
then we have to listen to hear what they’ve heard. These conversations are never
finished; we have to discuss our values again and again as we change and as our
children grow.
Bob Kenny, More Than Money,
Cambridge, Mass.
Open a charitable foundation account in your son’s name. Have him choose
ways in which the foundation’s money can be distributed to help the community.
Instead of giving him money, contribute to his foundation and tell him he can
earn $13 for each documented hour he spends in community service. That service
could be at a homeless shelter, nursing home or any other charitable work he can
think of.
You can contribute gifts for his birthday; his grandparents can do
the same. He can learn ways to raise money for his foundation account. All gifts
are tax deductible, and income he receives is not taxable to a limit. He will
learn about helping others as opposed to just what’s in it for him. The initial
contribution is $100. Administration costs 2.5 percent of contributions. Very
cheap therapy.
Les Winston, Chartered Advisor
in Philanthropy,
Miami
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