Everyone has heard their fair
share of stories about children fighting over the estate of a deceased parent,
but can you imagine a son ending up in jail because he refused to give his
siblings their fair share of Dad’s prized deer antlers? This may sound
farfetched, but when it comes to inheritance disputes, this is just another
real-life example of the turmoil that can transpire in families when death,
money and sibling rivalry mix.For many children, a parent’s will is interpreted as the
ultimate verdict on the quality of a lifelong relationship. Offspring perceive
these words from beyond the grave as the reflection of a parent’s confidence or
distrust, pride or disappointment. A large gift (or, alternately, one that is
smaller than expected) is viewed as either a reward or a reprimand. You might think that this kind of disorder could never occur in
your family. It could. As estate lawyers, we see it all: from stepchildren who
can’t wait for their stepmother to pass away so they can get their share of
Dad’s estate, to siblings who sue each other—and their own parents—to acquire
control of Mom and Dad’s assets. These cases are becoming more and more common
as baby boomers anticipate inheritances from their Depression-era
parents. The fighting may not just be over whether the will is valid or
not. Often, the child chosen as executor faces the brunt of hurt feelings from
the other children who were not selected. Disgruntled siblings frequently target
the executor with their criticism and civil lawsuits; they will use any means
available to even the score for not being Mom’s or Dad’s chosen one. An executor
who is initially honored at being appointed can potentially face personal
financial ruin when the stocks that the estate owns drop in value and the
beneficiaries take him to court. Dodging Disagreement
One way families avoid estate battles is by recognizing the fundamental circumstances that time and again lead to conflicts. These red flags
include: a second marriage; a parent who holds assets jointly with one of
several children; children with different personal financial circumstances; a
family business that does not involve all of the children; a parent who loses
mental capacity and appoints one child as power of attorney; and a meddling
daughter- or son-in-law. Smart parents can and should take action if they expect one of
their children to cause an estate dispute. If a parent decides to exclude one
child from the will or living trust, for example, Mom or Dad should consider
leaving a gift to the excluded child’s children. Thus, if the excluded child
decides to challenge the will, he will be attacking his own children’s
gifts.
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