• Be guarded in what you say and do. Your actions or words can come back to haunt you. In one case, the children wrote a eulogy praising their father’s caregiver as his "companion." Ultimately, these heartfelt words were used against the children by the caregiver to support her claim that she was their father’s common-law spouse—and should therefore be entitled to part of the estate.

• Recognize the emotional aspects of estate disputes. When a child is treated differently than his siblings in a will or trust, that child may feel suspicion, bitterness and anger. An executor can be guaranteed trouble if he fails to provide timely information to his siblings. Ongoing communication is the key to limiting bad feelings over an estate.

• Give up on nonessential issues. Not every decision should be based on a matter of principle. Battling over every issue because "it’s what Mom wanted" will most likely leave a legacy of family destruction. If your brother is extremely distressed over not being selected as an executor, for example, consider allowing him to be a coexecutor or even resigning and appointing a neutral third party.

• Be reasonable. The side that is most reasonable will often be the side that is successful in court. Judges punish unreasonable parties and reward those who can rise above the emotional aspects of the disagreement. The more unreasonable your siblings are, the more reasonable you should be.

Family is the most valuable asset one can have. Sadly, far too many families are needlessly destroyed over an inheritance. But by understanding the complex emotional, legal and financial issues involved in estate disputes, many families can be saved.

Jordan Atin, Barry Fish and Les Kotzer are authors of The Family War: Winning the Inheritance Battle, which provides tips and strategies for resolving estate disputes.