You probably think this advice is easier said than done, but
there are some quick shifts you can make to rewire your expectations and the way
you communicate those expectations to your children: • Spend time together as a family. And when you do, be
genuinely curious about your children’s lives. • Do not offer unsolicited advice—no matter how helpful you
think it might be. Your children already know what you think. Show them you
care about what they think. • Invite them to help you solve some of the problems that you
face in your day-to-day activities. Tell stories about situations when you were
clueless about what to do; work through how you solved it or where you turned
for help. • Encourage them to develop their own opinions and admire them
for doing so (no matter how much these views might differ from your own). Your children are works in progress. You’ll be much happier
with the results if you don’t attempt to micromanage their outcome. Let them
experience their ups and downs—and learn to be resilient. Remember, you are
managing this portfolio for long-term return, not short-term gains.  | Catherine Steiner-Adair is a psychologist and a clinical instructor at Harvard Medical School. She also counsels
economically and educationally advantaged children. |
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