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| Visions & Revisions |
Expectations and Esteem
Marianne Cotter
06/01/2004
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Donna Corwin is the author of seven parenting books and numerous articles
on parenting and lifestyle. Her most recent book is Pushed to the Edge—How to
Stop the Child Competition Race So Everyone Wins (Penguin Books, 2003) in
which she confronts the problem of burnout in children who are burdened with
high expectations of success. Corwin lives in Beverly Hills with her husband and
teenage daughter.
 Parents who have created substantial wealth must set high expectations for
their children, given that managing inherited wealth responsibly requires
maturity, financial aptitude and strong leadership ability.
This is true in some respects, but not every child will live up to his
parents’ high expectations. Yes, managing inherited wealth does require a
certain maturity and financial aptitude, but on the other hand, it is up to the
parent to empower the child to be successful. This does not mean pushing the
child in one direction, but helping the child “own” his or her own potential,
rather than struggling with an unattainable one based on the parents’ standards.
Empowering the child means taking the power out of your hands and putting it
into the child’s. When a child takes personal responsibility for his work, he
begins to own his pride. If the parents’ expectations are too high—if they set
the bar at perfection—the child may not even bother believing he is up to those
standards. In this way, the parents set the child up to fail.
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