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| For Richer, For Poorer |
Insidious Issues
07/01/2004
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The nonaffluent spouse
The nonaffluent spouse may feel enormous guilt
about leaving his own family behind economically. This may lead to difficulties
setting boundaries and setting expectations with the nonaffluent in-laws.
Meanwhile, depending on their own values, the nonaffluent spouse’s family may
look down upon his new wealth and ostracize or criticize him for it, leading to
further emotional turmoil.
“There are going to be extended-family members and
step-family members who feel they have certain rights and try to exert
influence,” according to wealth advisor Thayer Cheatham Willis. “The husband or
wife needs to make it clear what they’re available for, and what they are not
available for. It’s really important to make clear that this is my life partner
and this is where my priority is,” she notes.
DEPENDENCY
The affluent spouse
We may suffer the nagging worry that we
are being romantically pursued solely for our money by someone seeking an
emotional or financial safe harbor, rather than a healthy relationship. This is
a significant impediment to honest dialogue. While we must acknowledge that our
affluence may play some part in our attraction, especially to people seeking
security in a relationship, determining how important it is to our fiancée or
spouse is very difficult. John, a businessman and inheritor, notes that it is
impossible to divide love into its constituent parts. “Does a person know why
she loves you? How much does the money play into her considerations? It’s all
very difficult to separate,” he admits.
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