This perception, if not
acknowledged by a couple, can put enormous pressure on the marriage, and
manifest itself in resentment, arguments about control of assets and income, and
chronic problems with in-laws.
Lee Hausner, of IFF Advisors, says these
pressures are ending an increasing number of relationships. “In the last seven
or eight years, I’ve noticed that women heirs were never on their first
marriages, and when I’ve asked them why, it was always about the money,” she
says.
The nonaffluent spouse
Professional men who marry into money often find
it very difficult to maintain their sense of self-esteem, especially if their
new families do not share their view of the value of a career. This is much less
of a problem when he marries someone who has built her own fortune, notes Joan
DiFuria, of the Money Meaning and Choices Institute. “The self-earners will work
with the nonaffluent spouse much differently than an inheritor of wealth,” she
says, because they will have more of the same values in common.
Hausner
relates the story of a leading surgeon she met some years back who was
considered a wet blanket by his wife’s family because he could not drop
everything and join them for long vacations on short notice. “He got no credit,
no respect for his accomplishments,” she says, “so they eventually got
divorced.”
GUILT
The affluent spouse
Guilt plagues many inheritors, DiFuria
notes. “When people don’t work there’s a high guilt factor, especially with
women, who may be extremely generous with the men in their lives, whom may not
be as financially competent,” she explains. This can lead affluent women to
choose poor spouses, or to simply fail to embrace the opportunities their wealth
provides.
|
