Anne Field
11/01/2004
Grandparents are an often-overlooked variable in the stepparenting equation; in some cases, they might refuse to share their wealth with their new stepchildren. They might also snub the stepchildren in their estate, or neglect to invite them on holidays or visits to a country home.
Lee Hausner, a psychologist with IFF Advisors in Irvine, Calif., tells of two grandparents who, because they disliked their son’s new wife, refused to do anything for her three children. While their son’s four offspring visited their country house and flew on their private jet, the grandparents excluded his wife’s children. Their behavior sparked friction between the stepsiblings, as well as with their own son. Finally, after talking with Hausner, the grandparents relented and agreed to include the stepchildren. “I told them they would lose their son if they didn’t,” she says.
Stepparents often attempt to avoid these problems by insisting that stepgrandchildren be included as much as possible. While it may be reasonable for grandparents to leave those offspring out of their estate plans, they should involve them in day-to-day events. “There’s no reason to punish the stepchildren for what their parents have done,” Hausner says.
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