As an advisor on the human aspects of wealth, I hear constantly from parents who worry about whether family wealth will be a benefit or detriment to their children. What can we do now, they ask, to make sure our kids grow up to become motivated and responsible adults, despite the fact that they may have the means to shirk everyday responsibilities? How can we immunize them against the perpetual immaturity one sometimes sees around wealth?
 The fact that these important questions come up repeatedly suggests that affluent parents may not be thinking about them in quite the right way. Successful business people are prag-matic. How should we deal with our children? That is crucial, obviously, but more often than not it is important for parents to consider first how they are dealing with each other.
Take the case of Fred and Sara and their children, Susie, age 11, and Frankie, age 8. Fred is a cardiovascular surgeon, and Sara heads the Warbucks Family Office, the private firm that oversees the financial affairs of the city’s most famous and prosperous family. Fred and Sara are wealthy from their salaries alone, plus Fred has designed a new artificial heart that may advance the treatment of cardiovascular disease, and Sara has coinvested with the Warbucks in numerous private deals. If their ventures pan out, in a few years their net worth could easily exceed $25 million.
Yet almost every day, Sara finds herself dealing with the life problems of her employer, the Warbucks family. The Warbucks measure their worth in billions, but in all that abundance, Sara sees addiction, divorce and aimlessness. And she has begun to recognize some of these troubling signs in her own family.
"I was shopping with Susie on a Saturday," Sara explained. "We were at a big toy store in the mall buying a birthday present for Susie’s friend. On the way out of the store, Susie spotted this beautiful European racing bicycle. She said, ‘Mom, I love this bike! Buy it for me, please!’
"I told her, ‘No way, Susie! That bike costs over $500.’ Susie’s response floored me," Sara continued. "She took her hand out of mine, stopped walking and looked at me indignantly. ‘Mom,’ she said, ‘that’s no big deal for us. You and Dad make tons of money. I heard you tell Dad last night that the airplane tickets for our ski trip cost $4,000. I heard you say it costs more than $500 to get your Jaguar serviced. We can afford it, and I want it!’"
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