"The fact that she feels she’s entitled to half of the value of the business that my father worked his whole life at doesn’t make sense," he says.

Tapping the company’s value could also damp future profits he intends to use to pay his wife maintenance and child support. The business constantly requires more than a million dollars of liquidity to make large purchases, which he won’t be able to fund if she requests those assets in a settlement. "She doesn’t understand the sales and profitability of the business," he says. "Her only concern at this point is the perks I get from expenses that are funneled through the business—meals or travel."

Couples may well find it impossible to avoid anger and frustration during these negotiations. But Nancy Chemtob, a divorce attorney in New York and partner at Chemtob Moss Forman & Talbert, whose male clients comprise nearly three-quarters of her personal practice, believes that proper planning can help minimize the emotional and financial toll. Some clients who expect significant bonuses or the planned sale of a business will file for divorce before the anticipated windfall to halt any further joint accumulation of assets. For business owners, Chemtob will hire forensic accountants to establish a valuation for the business or an appraiser to value real property in order to control the process, rather than allowing the court to select an appraiser. She also will encourage the moneyed spouse to describe a spouse’s involvement in important business deals. Diaries documenting participation, or lack thereof, are of even greater help.

"What I really want them to do is start thinking about the strategy," Chemtob says. "You need to recognize who your client is. Is your client the one who is making the money or doesn’t have the money? Protect the marital assets."

Barbara Shapiro, a certified divorce financial analyst with HMS Financial Group in Dedham, Mass., observes that couples who made equal contributions to marital property find it easier to divide it. One couple, both physicians, decided to split their roughly $2 million in assets in half. The husband kept the house, but rather than lose the joint $500,000 marital deduction on a primary home’s appreciation, they negotiated an agreement to continue co-owning the property after their divorce, in the interest of preserving the tax-free gains. "They’re looking for resolution that’s peaceful," Shapiro says. "Let’s do this in a mature, civilized way."

Shapiro, also a trained counselor, encourages both spouses to focus on the future. This helps eliminate vindictive behavior, like that displayed by the husband and wife trying to split $10 million in assets and fighting over who would pay a $163 bill to repair a bug zapper. "It doesn’t need to be The War of the Roses," Shapiro says. "Fighting over a mosquito zapper is just focusing all the anger and angst on an object."

Over time, Genter’s clients succeeded in creating a harmonious business relationship; the ex-wife now has an office at the business, which she never had during the marriage. Genter credits their plan for structuring co-ownership with creating a thriving working relationship. The ex-wife received part ownership and developed an agreement specifying equal distributions of business assets, which also permits the husband to continue to make business decisions, as he had in the past. She retains a liquidation interest in the company if it is sold.

Together, they share a financial incentive to make it work. "It was worth a lot more together than split up," Genter says.

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