The episode eight years ago that finally convinced Carol Journagan that only a radical intervention could save her son remains vivid in her mind: 16-year-old Bo sitting in the family’s driveway, swaying from side to side. Journagan walked out to him and asked, “What are you doing, Bo?”

“Waiting for a ride,” Bo murmured, staring blankly. He was as far gone as his mother had ever seen him, and she had seen a great deal over the previous two years.

This was the moment Journagan, a mother of two in Blue Springs, Mo., knew she needed to send Bo for treatment. Not for another two- or three-week stint in rehab—those only seemed to help him recover for his next bender, prompting the whole sickening spiral to begin again. In fact, in his last stretch in short-term rehab, he had met someone who could supply him with even harder drugs.

That night, Journagan called the Rocky Mountain Academy, a therapeutic boarding school in Idaho for troubled teens. She asked the school to send escorts for Bo. “I realized then that the problem was beyond me, and I was finally playing my ace in the hole,” she remembers. “I guess when the pain exceeds the level of denial, action takes place.”

Parents of all social classes awake in a cold sweat from these kinds of nightmares. A once-cherubic child has developed a substance abuse problem, and the family must intervene before it is too late. The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that teenage drug use has been rising consistently in the past few decades. In one recent study, 26 percent of high school seniors, 23 percent of sophomores and 13 percent of eighth-graders reported using illegal drugs in the previous month.

Prosperous parents want to give their children the best, but providing too much, too soon, too easily is one factor in developing a substance abuse problem.

Our affluent teens are at even greater risk. Having access to a large amount of disposable income increases the chances they will experiment with drugs, possibly leading to addiction. “Having money in your pocket is a predictor of drug use,” says John Hamilton, senior vice president of LMG Programs, a substance abuse network in Connecticut. Binge drinking and cocaine use are more prevalent in affluent communities, he adds, recounting a saying in addiction treatment circles: “Cocaine is God’s way of saying you have too much money.”

The typical child tries alcohol for the first time at the tender age of 11. He tries marijuana a year later. Children in affluent families are far more likely not to stop at experimentation. A 2003 study by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University found that teenagers who are highly stressed, frequently bored and have copious amounts of spending money are at roughly triple the risk of other teens for developing a substance abuse problem.

Too Few Limits
Jeanette Friedman, director of adolescent services at the Caron Foundation, a drug treatment center in New York, says her client base is largely comprised of affluent teens and their families. “Too much money—like too little—is a risk factor,” she says. “Too much money means more access and fewer limits.”

TOP VIEW Children of affluence run a greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse than the population at large. If we find our children are abusing drugs, we must marshal our resources and act quickly and decisively. In extreme cases, this can involve uprooting our children and sending them off for several years to a therapeutic boarding school.

Teen addiction, whether it involves alcohol, illegal drugs or prescription medication, often catches wealthy parents by surprise. But knowing some of the factors that exacerbate the risk can help us lessen the chances that our children will develop problems. Prosperous parents naturally want to give their children the best of everything. The paradox, Friedman says, is that providing our children with too much, too soon and too easily is one factor in developing a substance abuse problem. “Affluent parents sometimes give things to their children before the child even knows what he wants, or asks for it or has to work for it,” she says. “It’s hard for the child to grasp the connection that someone worked for that stuff, even if it was three generations ago.” Inadvertently stifling our children’s abilities to identify and feel desire and to set goals can leave them with feelings of emptiness that they might soothe with drugs or alcohol.

Authorities find it impossible to predict which children will develop addictions, though children with learning disabilities, depression, social anxieties or parents who struggle with addictive behaviors are generally at greater risk. Ellen, a mother in Greenwich, Conn., says the ongoing addiction struggles of her two sons began when they started feeling that they did not fit in. She admits that she thought that as a hands-on parent with an abundance of resources and time, she could head off any difficulties. “I was very involved with my children’s schools. We still had our heads in the sand,” she laments. “In hindsight, you think, ‘Why didn’t I see it?’”

Those who suspect their children are abusing drugs, or who have found evidence of drug use in an increasingly secretive teenager’s room, must make an assessment. “When you first get that sinking feeling in your stomach and you think he might be trying something, don’t panic. Do act,” advises Carol Maxym, a therapist and educational consultant and the coauthor of Teens in Turmoil: A Path to Change for Parents, Adolescents and Their Families. Our response to a child in trouble, many therapists assert, must be tailored to each particular situation. Our child might just be exploring drugs, or she might be flinging herself headlong into a destructive habit. “There are kids who do drugs to feel good, and kids who do drugs to feel better,” Hamilton explains. “It’s the kids who are doing it to feel better who are likely to develop a problem. They’re self-medicating.”

“It’s not what I had in mind for my son. I wanted to send him somewhere with ivy. But he’s a changed kid now.”

Maxym suggests that we tell our child we know what they are doing, and make it clear that we oppose drug use. State flatly, “No matter what your friends are saying, doing drugs is not OK. Bottom line, they are illegal, and you will have to live a deceitful, dishonest life in order to do them.” Be warned that many children will either evade the discussion or make light of drugs, trying to convince us that they have tried them only once. Maxym cautions us to trust our instincts.

The next step, she advises, is to meet with other parents in our community or school, and the parents of our children’s friends, to establish a united front and set consistent policies. While asserting our authority as a parent is important, it is even more crucial to maintain the lines of communication with our children, or reopen them if they are blocked, therapists insist. “It’s OK to talk about your fears, to show your humanness,” Hamilton says. “You can say something like, ‘I’m really worried, because I know there are a lot of drugs out there. How can you really reassure me that you’re not doing that, that you’re safe and that you’re OK?’ Sometimes that will invite the kid to open up more, and together you can come to some sort of a consensus.” Hamilton recommends that this accord include a discussion of bottom-line safety issues. “For instance it should be an absolute value that a child never gets into a car with someone who is impaired, and that your children can call you if they feel unsafe, and you’ll come pick them up, no questions asked.”

Deciding to Intervene
Maxym offers a checklist for parents to determine when a higher level of intervention is needed. We should examine multiple facets of our child’s life: What is his attitude toward school? How are his grades? Is he interested in extracurricular activities? What is the state of his appearance? How is he interacting with his friends? Is he following the family’s rules? How are his relationships with his siblings and pets? What is the state of his room? If more than one of these factors raises our eyebrows, we should seek professional help.

With stomach churning, our first call should be to a qualified substance abuse counselor. We can find certified drug counselors through state alcohol and drug agencies or local drug treatment centers; some parents find capable counselors by asking neighbors and colleagues. If we are consulting a therapist in private practice, we should ascertain if he has experience recognizing drug problems. This can be a hit-or-miss process. Some of the best counselors are not always the ones with the most credentials; some are recovering addicts themselves, and have invaluable insight into the behavior of drug abusers.

We might benefit from finding support groups or other families who are grappling with an addicted child. New faces can help us assuage feelings of guilt and isolation, stop us from seeing our child’s problem as a personal attack and connect us with essential resources and strategies. “The parent grapevine was the most useful thing,” Ellen notes. “The whole family needs help when a kid is acting out in this way.”

Though she knows that Daniel will never again live at home, Alice feels certain that she saved his life.

We should be prepared for a prolonged battle. Addiction is neither a short-term crisis nor one that is easily fixed; recovery is a long—some say lifelong—process. But once we do acknowledge that a child has an addiction, we can try a variety of approaches. As a guideline, parents should choose the least restrictive program possible, Hamilton says. Individual counseling may help for some, as may group therapy or family therapy. Short-term detox and inpatient rehabilitation at hospitals that offer addiction treatment is sometimes necessary.

As a last resort, we may have to face the heartrending choice of sending our children away. For some this means nothing more than a therapeutic short-term or summer-long wilderness program, some of which offer activities such as trust exercises and group therapy. If problems persist, we may be forced to consider a therapeutic boarding school, the kind that both Journagan and Ellen chose for their sons. “These therapeutic schools and programs do terrific work,” Friedman says. “Some kids just don’t have the skills to handle all the openness and opportunity in places like New York and Westchester and other upscale communities. They need help.” To be truly effective, experts advise, children should complete a program that lasts between two and three years.

Sometimes called emotional-growth schools, these institutions combine intensive therapy with academics and a variant of a 12-step program. Business at these schools is booming. Experts advise us not to choose one solely on the basis of its reputation; often the best approach is to hire an educational consultant to assist us with placement, and to visit the schools we are considering. “You really need to find someone you can trust,” says Rob Spear, a former school administrator who now runs his own consultancy, Deliberate Directions. “The fact is people don’t send their children to schools, they send them to people.”

A Radical Solution
The lifeless look in the eyes of her 14-year-old son, Daniel, drove the fear deep into Alice, a successful single mother living in Westchester County, N.Y. Daniel had slipped from being an accomplished athlete, excellent student and beaming bar mitzvah boy to an out-of-control teen filled with hate. The summer of his 13th year, she recalls, he went away to camp and came back changed. Like Bo in Missouri, Daniel withdrew completely from his mother, lost interest in any sort of structured activity and started hanging out with a new group of friends. Like Bo, his room became a shambles and he was constantly tired.

Alice knew he was drinking. He once threw up in his bed and kept right on sleeping. She would read troubling emails when he would forget to turn off his computer. Alice finally reached her breaking point when she went away for a summer holiday, leaving Daniel with his father. She called home one night and Daniel answered the phone, with the roar of a party in the background. “I felt so violated,” she remembers. “It made me realize I could not control the situation. I told him he had to go into therapy, that the possibility existed that I couldn’t take care of him. After that, he was angry all the time. He’d sit like a zombie in front of the TV. He seemed interested in drugs, gangsters and gangs. It really scared me. He wouldn’t talk.”

Alice assumed Daniel was depressed. An alert teacher proposed he was doing drugs. A psychiatrist who met with Daniel said it was both, and recommended that Alice have Daniel educationally tested. So Alice consulted with Maxym, who advised that Daniel be removed from an environment that was becoming increasingly corrosive. “Sometimes, kids from wealthy and protected backgrounds get involved with drug culture because it seems thrilling,” Maxym says. “Before too long, they get far enough along in the food chain that they get tangled up with some pretty bad people.”

Alice recalls discovering that Daniel was stealing money. “He was involved with people with guns. I was convinced I had to get him out of the community.”

Because she knew her son would not go willingly, she hired two escorts to take him to a wilderness program, where he could flush the drugs from his system and begin the process of rebalancing his life. His regimen included living outside under a tarp, making fires and working with a psychologist and in group therapy. His mother was allowed to contact him only through letters. When the wilderness program ended, she found another school, this one in Texas, run by recovering alcoholics. “It’s very basic, but academically rigorous,” explains Alice, who can visit him once each month. “It’s not what I had in mind for my son. I wanted to send him somewhere with ivy. But he’s a changed kid now. The last time I saw him, tears were streaming down his face. He was saying, ‘I was so scared. I was so lost. I was completely trapped.’”

Although she realizes that Daniel will never again live at home, Alice feels certain that she saved his life.

Many will attest to the success of these emotional-growth programs. It worked for Bo. Now 24 and a sound engineer at a nightclub in New York, he freely admits that he works in an industry where drugs are easily available. As a teenager, he would ingest any mind- or mood-altering substance that came his way, during a phase when he recalls wanting to “fight the system, do drugs and play my music.” Today drugs hold no allure for him. “I hate the feeling of being out of control,” he explains. He also realizes that if he wants to succeed in his field, he must maintain a clear head.

Bo confesses that he was shocked when his parents sent him away, but today he is proud that he finished the program. Without intervention, he guesses he would be in jail. His best friend from his drug-addled days is incarcerated. “I feel a lot more emotionally stable now,” Bo acknowledges. “Now when I feel sad, I know that it’s OK to feel that way. It’s a human emotion.”

Illustration by Mark Yankus.