My son is in his final year of college, and we are in a
struggle over his next move. I would like to see him take a job in the business
world, either with our family company or some other firm. He wants to study
philosophy at the graduate level. His argument is that we have plenty of money
and he really does not need to worry about earning a wage. In purely economic
terms, he is right. But I built the company that created our wealth, and I know
how important it was in terms of character building to have taken on that huge
challenge. How do I convince him not to take the easy way out? Your son may not be taking the
easy way out. It is most important that he be challenged and have ambition,
which can be endangered by growing up in an affluent environment. Your son might
see following in your footsteps as "the easy way out." He is choosing a course
that will certainly be challenging and require discipline and motivation. You
should be proud that he is seeking his own challenges. Even if you are disappointed, keep all doors open to him.
Remember that the prodigal son came home! Your son could change his mind
sometime in the future and want to join you in the family business. If so, it is
quite possible that his outside experiences will cause him to gain additional
insights and a breadth of vision that will benefit not only him, but also your
family business. Bruce Stone, estates attorney, Goldman Felcoski & Stone,
Coral Gables, Fla.
The differences between you and
your son are created by conflicting and competing values. Your son feels the
freedom to take the "follow your dreams" approach to work, and your attitude
comes from another part of the spectrum, knowing the character building that is
inevitable in successful entrepreneurial endeavors. You don’t want him to miss one of life’s most precious rites of
passage to maturity, yet clearly you have allowed him to follow his dreams to
some extent in his studies. You can encourage him in both priorities: yes to
graduate school and yes to developing his academic achievements into a career.
He is young, and assuming that you still hold the keys to his financial freedom,
it is likely that you will be able to gain his cooperation. Encourage him to develop his talents to the highest degree he
can. Applaud his successes. At the same time, require that he develop the
expertise and responsibilities of financial literacy. Remember, the strongest
families are those in which the individual members are encouraged and supported
in developing human capital based on their inherent gifts.
Thayer Willis, family counselor and author of Navigating the Dark Side of Wealth, Lake Oswego,
Ore.
Start by discussing
with your son his motivation for going to grad
school. If it is to pursue his passion, challenge himself and find his own way
to contribute to society, then it could be the best path for him. At that point,
you might discuss as a family how you can support this path to further develop
his character. If grad school is merely a way to avoid growing up, as with so
many students I see, then I would be far less inclined to enable him to use the
family’s wealth for it. He would just be avoiding testing his mettle and finding
out who he is and what he stands for. This helps no one.
Think less about exactly which path he chooses and more about
his motivation, the family’s support (without enabling) and the consequences of
either path. Good, honest communication that includes expressing your family’s
values and concerns, as well as the parameters of your support, is
essential. Greg McCann, director, Family Business Center, Stetson
University, Deland, Fla.
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